Anger Management – Best way to react when someone is shouting at you

Being human we are always susceptible to the change in our emotional behaviour. Some time we are polite and silent no matter how serious the situations are and sometime we are angry and violent no matter how easy and simple the situations are to us. So’ like all emotions anger is a basic emotional behaviour of us and it appears in all human species.

While seeking revenge, dig two graves – one for yourself.

• Douglas Horton

As an emotion, anger force us to deal with a perceived threat that we believe we can eliminate by throwing enough “power” at it. This threat can be to our goals, our self-image, our finances, our “boundaries”, or any other important aspect of our lives. sometimes anger is caused due to care and love we show towards people we care and value.

Based on my experience in dealing with different people about anger, I have some additional thoughts.

Most of the time what we do is React which in turn creates unfavourable situations and flames the anger on a much larger scale. so first of all, I would recommend that you should RESPOND, rather than react to the person.Reacting does not involve thinking and is often not helpful where as Responding involves thinking about the situation and choosing the action you will take. Responding politely is the best way for Anger management.

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger“
Buddha

Secondly, it is always important to see anger on a broader prospective. Like what is the reason behind or what is the purpose it serves or who is the person getting angry on us. Understanding the nature of anger helps you to stay calm when someone is directing their anger at you and to choose the most effective way to respond to that person. While you may have done something wrong, you are not the cause of the anger.

The angry person is feeling vulnerable. So you remain calm and lower your voice in your interactions with the angry individual. You attempt to see the issue from the other person’s perspective is also right on.

The individual’s perception of the situation is producing the anger. Making that individual see the other side of the situation politely sometime helps in anger management as well. What is called a “pattern interrupt”. While it can be effective, it can also be risky in that it may escalate the angry person, who may perceive you as mocking him/her or as invalidating his/her anger. Use this technique with caution.

The ignorant mind, with its infinite afflictions, passions, and evils, is rooted in the three poisons. Greed, anger, and delusion.
Bodhidharma

In choosing a response, attempt to determine what the threat is that the angry person perceives. You can do this by listening to his, or her, words, asking what they would like you to do in the situation, etc.

Keep in mind that if the person is ranting, or is out of control, your only option may be to keep your distance, listen without commenting, and wait until they are calm enough to interact with you.

The act of listening without judging the person, or invalidating their anger, will often lead to that person calming down.